A Walk in the swamp

A phrase by Murakami that had so accurately and vividly depicted the feelings that i had been unable to pen into words. (Norwegian Wood)

'Time itself slogged along in rhythm with my faltering steps. The people around me had gone on long before, while my time and i hung back, struggling through the mud, through the endless darkness of a swamp.
I trudged along through each day in its turn, rarely looking up, eyes locked on the never-ending swamp that lay before me, planting my right foot, raising my left, planting my left foot, raising my right, never sure where i was, never sure i was headed in the right direction, knowing only that i had to keep moving, one step at a time.'


The now familiar feeling of walking through a misty fog or a barren stony landscape in the strange darkness of the night, lighted only by the palely illuminated ends of a dozen fireflies on the verge of death had transported me back to the initial days of my break-up with her, if not more misty or the darkness amplied as if a night guard had turned the black light several notches up in my prison cell. With the passe of time, i was muddled to believe that i had gotten better or was at least more ready to perk myself up and get on my feet.

Nevertheless, these couple of days had enlighted me with the knowledge that undoubtedly, time is indeed the catalyst of the healing of wounds, but like all things, time moved at a pace of its own, unaffected by all or any.

Having taken a considerable amount of time to sort my thoughts out and get back in the game, in life, so as to speak, i instead now find myself more puzzled and confused if not better. The vision of the pathway in front of me is still as blurred as if someone had stolen my glasses, leaving me with a bad pair of eyes and a translucent plastic wall between me and the happenings of the world.

Everyday i would wake up, with no desire of any accomplishment except to immense and find myself in the books of Murakami, playing the 'spotting-myself' game myself and yet, the more i entangle myself in this web of despair, the deeper i sink in, like a coin that has been dropped into the ocean, stretching endlessly in search of the rocky sea bed, knowing in time that the day will come where it will lie in between the blanket of corals,a sea of hidden beauty, a oasis of delightful happiness that lie in the deep within, unknown to all but the fortunate, but when it will be, it will not know.

In the distant front, i spotted a faint speck of light, deep down in the dark chilly waters of the sea, with the hollow depths emphasizing the beauty of its existence, as the swivelling waves lure the promises of hope, love and renaissance into my sight, and yet, without courage and undecided am i, as fragile and vulnerable as a sea turtle that has lost its shell, its refuge, and yet must swim through the treacherous village of a thousand sharks, what would be my course of action?

Would the skies clear up to reveal the soft break of a new dawn, or will i leave my shades on and continue walking towards the journey of 20,000 leagues under the sea, turning away from that hidden oasis of a promised land?